Spinning your Wheels

With hindsight, I can see that I spent a lot of time in the last fortnight spinning my wheels. I wasn't getting anywhere, and I thought that if i just pressed hard on the accelerator pedal, I'd move. However...what happens when you do this? You just get nowhere faster! Before putting your pedal to the metal, it's worth investigating why you're not moving.

If the brakes are on, accelerating will still get you nowhere. If you're in the mud, accelerating hard will get you covered in mud and deeper in the shit! If you've hit an obstacle, accelerating may get you past it BUT it's gonna be a bumpy ride (think of the comfort of your ass!).

A couple of minutes investigation could save you hours of frustration! Stop spinning your wheels and look at why you're stuck. Start there.

Love

Donna.x

Back Seat Drivers

One of the lovely qualities of the human race is that we are all so 'interested' in how other people are doing things...and we always think that we know best. Ever been in the passenger seat with your foot on an imaginary brake? Ever been in the driver's seat when someone is telling you how to drive? Annoying isn't it? And the same applies when someone else gives their opinion on your journey.

Sometimes it can be really helpful - people who give you a shortcut, or some helpful tip. And sometimes it can be worse than useless - even downright discouraging. Here's how I deal with it - number 1, I ask myself if they have been in the position I am in - if so, it gives their comments a little more weight as they speak from experience. Number 2, I ask if what they say has any value (regardless of my feelings about it). Then I twist what they say into something I can use, or I ignore them (even if they might be right sometimes - I was ever stubborn!).

Anyway, what got me started thinking about this today was the 'internal' back seat drivers. Now I'm going to keep this simple - I won't go into my archetypal family, ancient brain or wild woman (if you're interested in this kind of stuff, get in touch, let's talk!). Let's just say that my logical side and intuitive side are in complete disagreement about how I should drive. Logically, there are specific actions to be taken, a route to be planned and followed, and a checklist. Intuitively, there are many ways to go, interesting sidetrips and distractions, and the journey is more important than the destination.

How do you marry the two? And get on with your journey so they're not arguing incessantly all the way? Firstly, notice that you have opposing thoughts - everyone does, it doesn't mean you're mad. Notice that different parts of you have different priorities - the family man vs the adventurer for example. Secondly, let the opposing parts be heard. And thirdly allow the different parts of you to have an input in how you drive...if they work together, the journey is much smoother!

Love

BD
PS If you are interested in archetypes, check out Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss

Get back in the Bulldozer

Sometimes I wonder about myself. One day, I am bulldozing away cheerfully, the next, crashing into a wall and wandering round in a daze. I have been feeling out of sorts all day today, don't know what to do with myself, can't see the way forward, completely focusing on where I don't want to go! D'oh.

So when I thought about putting this in the 'bulldozer' metaphor I realised that I had left the comfort of the 'dozer, and was climbing up a sheer cliff. My fingers were bleeding, I was exhausted and disillusioned, the top of the cliff seemed as if it was a thousand miles away, and my poor trembling muscles couldn't take it and I slipped, falling down the cliff and grazing my face.

Lesson 1 - don't try to do it the hard way! I'm sure if I go left a bit or right a bit, I'll find a way to get that bulldozer up the cliff.
Lesson 2 - don't try to do the difficult stuff alone! There are people out there who can and will happily help, let them.
Lesson 3 - sometimes sitting still to make an informed decision is wiser than rushing on ahead without a moment of forethought! (a radical idea for me!)

All I really needed to shift my thinking was a bit of encouragement...and I got it today from Heather. Thank you Heather, your input has made more difference than I could ever articulate!

Love

BD

Drive according to the road conditions

One of the things I love about life is the lessons that you can learn, if you only stay open to learning. The other day, I was on the M6 and somebody came to cut in to my lane...with me still in it! There was only a foot of his van trying to overlap with my bonnet, but that would have been enough to cause trouble had I not been aware that I had taken my invisibility pills! Anyway, I realised that he was an idiot and took evasive action.

After much swearing and chuntering, I calmed down, decided to not allow him to ruin my day, and asked what the lesson was here. As ever, there were several, here's the main 2: I need to drive according to what's actually happening on the road, not what I think should be happening! The fact that he shouldn't have pulled into my lane is irrelevant as that's exactly what he was doing - you can't react to what should be happening!

And secondly, a bit of anticipation saves disaster! Although we didn't actually crash, I did have to brake quite sharply - disaster averted...and I could even have avoided the sharp braking. I wouldn't have had to brake if I had accepted that he was pulling into my lane when he first started, a simple easing off the accelerator would have done it. (I couldn't believe someone could be that blind!)

So, are you driving according to road conditions and with anticipation, or making life more difficult for yourself by trying to drive how it should be and blind to what's actually happening?

Love

BD

Quick shifts

Someone I spoke to today helped me to see (more clearly) that my growth is exponential - month by month I am changing and growing and learning and being more and more and more. This makes the bulldozer ride a bit hairy - there are times when I am clinging on to the steering wheel, wide eyed and flooded with adrenaline and just reacting to the terrain without thinking too much about 'taking it slowly'.

This is when the refuel stops become more and more important...I can't keep up that frantic pace forever without a bit of respite. There's no point in saying I'll slow down - I love the massive growth and shifts in perception that I get, and I deliberately seek new knowledge, and work with coaches who help me to see the potential for growth, the obstacles and other such cool stuff.

And I know that if I don't find a rest stop, the bulldozer will crash...and the rest stop will be more uncomfortable and time consuming. So...it's time for a rest stop I think!

Love

BD

Unconscious Competence

You know when you've been driving for a while, you can manage to get from A to B without registering any of the journey in between? This is unconscious competence - you are unconsciously doing what you need to do, it's automatic, no need to pay attention. I don't know about you, but I find it slightly disconcerting to find myself at point B without even the vaguest idea of how I got there.

It's odd enough in the 'real' world of car journeys...in the metaphorical world of the journey of life it is really wierd! On the plus side, it seems I am automatically moving in the right direction in my journey, unconsciously learning and growing...it's kinda nice not to have to pay full attention all the time!

Love

BD

Non-competitive driving

One of the wonderful things about being on your own journey of life is that when you realise your journey is unique, all the elements of competition fly out of the window. (of course, play me at cards and you will see my competitive streak is alive and well and ruthless...but in life, we're not even on the same playing field.)

I heard some wonderful news today - a friend of mine is getting married - very exciting! Often, when I hear news of this ilk, although I am pleased for them, I am a little bit jealous. The 'why not me's start and I get sad. Today, the bulldozer started down that path...and almost immediately did an about face and got back on MY track. We're not on the same journey, so why would I be bothered that she 'got there before me'?

It's like being jealous that someone on the M1 gets to the services before I get to the M6 services...er, it's a different road - you can't make comparisons! Especially as I am off-road, bulldozing...and half the reason I love my journey is that it is not predicatable, it's not exact, it is in fact incomparible.

So, I got down off my bulldozer, applauded my friend's good fortune, jumped up and down in excitement for a bit, then got back in my bulldozer, a happier and more grateful soul.

Where are you confusing someone else's journey with your own? And when you stop, can you just enjoy their successes as much as your own?

Love

BD

The Answer is There

I have written the very same title on my t'other blog, but I wanted to put this in bulldozer terms. When you are lost, ask for directions! Today could have been wasted wandering around in the fog, but I asked for guidance...and guidance I received.

Are you still trying to pretend you know what you're doing, where you are and where you're going? Maybe it's time to ask for help?

Love

Donna.x