Notice the progress

It's been a while since I've posted about my bulldozer progress, and in that time, largely my bulldozer has been pootling along cheerfully. I haven't reached the coast yet, but I have made progress. It's worth remembering that if you keep putting one foot in front of the other (or keep your foot on the bulldozer's accelerator pedal), you will get where you're going. And probably faster than if you try to rush and crash.

Slow and steady wins the race. If I wanted to race to my destination at top speed, I probably wouldn't have chosen the bulldozer!

Love

Donna.x

Does Destination matter?

I've been reading Conversations with God recently. Now, before you switch off at the G word, it makes a lot of sense - this God seems to be a more accessible, friendly, down-to-earth kind of deity. The way I always imagined 'god' should be actually. Anyway, something I have been struggling to get my head round is that it doesn't matter what we do or where we go. I have always believed that I am far more important than that!

What matters, apparently, is the level of connection you have with your true joyful self. All life is designed to reconnect you with who you really are. So from that perspective, it doesn't really matter WHERE you go, but that your journey (or not) is reconnecting you to who you are. It reminds me of the saying that you should have a goal to be a millionaire, not to be a millionaire, but because of what you will learn on the way.

It also reminds me to stop and smell the roses. AND to remain unattached to the outcome. Yes, I have a destination in mind...but if the journey continues in the way it is currently, it won't be the arrival that changes me, but the miles I travel in between. Hmmm...maybe Big G knows what she's on about?!

Are you making the destination more important than the journey? Are you making the journey more important than yourself? Are you making yourself more important than anything?

Love

BD

Crash!

Sometimes it takes something major to get my attention - I'm not one for subtle hints, I prefer straightforward, direct things that are unambiguous. So when I crash the bulldozer into a tree, I konw that something major is trying to get my attention. As I sat there, dazed and confused, I realised I'd been looking in the wrong direction.

I stopped looking to where I was going, and looked instead to where I hadn't been. The only thing this did for me was help me crash! BUT the intention behind it was to 'motivate'. It didn't work, but do I blame myself for having a positive intention for myself? Even if the action was singularly unhelpful? No.

Instead, here is an opportunity to re-educate myself. Keep your eyes on where you're going at all times, or you'll crash into a tree!

Love

BD

Spinning your Wheels

With hindsight, I can see that I spent a lot of time in the last fortnight spinning my wheels. I wasn't getting anywhere, and I thought that if i just pressed hard on the accelerator pedal, I'd move. However...what happens when you do this? You just get nowhere faster! Before putting your pedal to the metal, it's worth investigating why you're not moving.

If the brakes are on, accelerating will still get you nowhere. If you're in the mud, accelerating hard will get you covered in mud and deeper in the shit! If you've hit an obstacle, accelerating may get you past it BUT it's gonna be a bumpy ride (think of the comfort of your ass!).

A couple of minutes investigation could save you hours of frustration! Stop spinning your wheels and look at why you're stuck. Start there.

Love

Donna.x

Back Seat Drivers

One of the lovely qualities of the human race is that we are all so 'interested' in how other people are doing things...and we always think that we know best. Ever been in the passenger seat with your foot on an imaginary brake? Ever been in the driver's seat when someone is telling you how to drive? Annoying isn't it? And the same applies when someone else gives their opinion on your journey.

Sometimes it can be really helpful - people who give you a shortcut, or some helpful tip. And sometimes it can be worse than useless - even downright discouraging. Here's how I deal with it - number 1, I ask myself if they have been in the position I am in - if so, it gives their comments a little more weight as they speak from experience. Number 2, I ask if what they say has any value (regardless of my feelings about it). Then I twist what they say into something I can use, or I ignore them (even if they might be right sometimes - I was ever stubborn!).

Anyway, what got me started thinking about this today was the 'internal' back seat drivers. Now I'm going to keep this simple - I won't go into my archetypal family, ancient brain or wild woman (if you're interested in this kind of stuff, get in touch, let's talk!). Let's just say that my logical side and intuitive side are in complete disagreement about how I should drive. Logically, there are specific actions to be taken, a route to be planned and followed, and a checklist. Intuitively, there are many ways to go, interesting sidetrips and distractions, and the journey is more important than the destination.

How do you marry the two? And get on with your journey so they're not arguing incessantly all the way? Firstly, notice that you have opposing thoughts - everyone does, it doesn't mean you're mad. Notice that different parts of you have different priorities - the family man vs the adventurer for example. Secondly, let the opposing parts be heard. And thirdly allow the different parts of you to have an input in how you drive...if they work together, the journey is much smoother!

Love

BD
PS If you are interested in archetypes, check out Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss

Get back in the Bulldozer

Sometimes I wonder about myself. One day, I am bulldozing away cheerfully, the next, crashing into a wall and wandering round in a daze. I have been feeling out of sorts all day today, don't know what to do with myself, can't see the way forward, completely focusing on where I don't want to go! D'oh.

So when I thought about putting this in the 'bulldozer' metaphor I realised that I had left the comfort of the 'dozer, and was climbing up a sheer cliff. My fingers were bleeding, I was exhausted and disillusioned, the top of the cliff seemed as if it was a thousand miles away, and my poor trembling muscles couldn't take it and I slipped, falling down the cliff and grazing my face.

Lesson 1 - don't try to do it the hard way! I'm sure if I go left a bit or right a bit, I'll find a way to get that bulldozer up the cliff.
Lesson 2 - don't try to do the difficult stuff alone! There are people out there who can and will happily help, let them.
Lesson 3 - sometimes sitting still to make an informed decision is wiser than rushing on ahead without a moment of forethought! (a radical idea for me!)

All I really needed to shift my thinking was a bit of encouragement...and I got it today from Heather. Thank you Heather, your input has made more difference than I could ever articulate!

Love

BD

Drive according to the road conditions

One of the things I love about life is the lessons that you can learn, if you only stay open to learning. The other day, I was on the M6 and somebody came to cut in to my lane...with me still in it! There was only a foot of his van trying to overlap with my bonnet, but that would have been enough to cause trouble had I not been aware that I had taken my invisibility pills! Anyway, I realised that he was an idiot and took evasive action.

After much swearing and chuntering, I calmed down, decided to not allow him to ruin my day, and asked what the lesson was here. As ever, there were several, here's the main 2: I need to drive according to what's actually happening on the road, not what I think should be happening! The fact that he shouldn't have pulled into my lane is irrelevant as that's exactly what he was doing - you can't react to what should be happening!

And secondly, a bit of anticipation saves disaster! Although we didn't actually crash, I did have to brake quite sharply - disaster averted...and I could even have avoided the sharp braking. I wouldn't have had to brake if I had accepted that he was pulling into my lane when he first started, a simple easing off the accelerator would have done it. (I couldn't believe someone could be that blind!)

So, are you driving according to road conditions and with anticipation, or making life more difficult for yourself by trying to drive how it should be and blind to what's actually happening?

Love

BD

Quick shifts

Someone I spoke to today helped me to see (more clearly) that my growth is exponential - month by month I am changing and growing and learning and being more and more and more. This makes the bulldozer ride a bit hairy - there are times when I am clinging on to the steering wheel, wide eyed and flooded with adrenaline and just reacting to the terrain without thinking too much about 'taking it slowly'.

This is when the refuel stops become more and more important...I can't keep up that frantic pace forever without a bit of respite. There's no point in saying I'll slow down - I love the massive growth and shifts in perception that I get, and I deliberately seek new knowledge, and work with coaches who help me to see the potential for growth, the obstacles and other such cool stuff.

And I know that if I don't find a rest stop, the bulldozer will crash...and the rest stop will be more uncomfortable and time consuming. So...it's time for a rest stop I think!

Love

BD

Unconscious Competence

You know when you've been driving for a while, you can manage to get from A to B without registering any of the journey in between? This is unconscious competence - you are unconsciously doing what you need to do, it's automatic, no need to pay attention. I don't know about you, but I find it slightly disconcerting to find myself at point B without even the vaguest idea of how I got there.

It's odd enough in the 'real' world of car journeys...in the metaphorical world of the journey of life it is really wierd! On the plus side, it seems I am automatically moving in the right direction in my journey, unconsciously learning and growing...it's kinda nice not to have to pay full attention all the time!

Love

BD

Non-competitive driving

One of the wonderful things about being on your own journey of life is that when you realise your journey is unique, all the elements of competition fly out of the window. (of course, play me at cards and you will see my competitive streak is alive and well and ruthless...but in life, we're not even on the same playing field.)

I heard some wonderful news today - a friend of mine is getting married - very exciting! Often, when I hear news of this ilk, although I am pleased for them, I am a little bit jealous. The 'why not me's start and I get sad. Today, the bulldozer started down that path...and almost immediately did an about face and got back on MY track. We're not on the same journey, so why would I be bothered that she 'got there before me'?

It's like being jealous that someone on the M1 gets to the services before I get to the M6 services...er, it's a different road - you can't make comparisons! Especially as I am off-road, bulldozing...and half the reason I love my journey is that it is not predicatable, it's not exact, it is in fact incomparible.

So, I got down off my bulldozer, applauded my friend's good fortune, jumped up and down in excitement for a bit, then got back in my bulldozer, a happier and more grateful soul.

Where are you confusing someone else's journey with your own? And when you stop, can you just enjoy their successes as much as your own?

Love

BD

The Answer is There

I have written the very same title on my t'other blog, but I wanted to put this in bulldozer terms. When you are lost, ask for directions! Today could have been wasted wandering around in the fog, but I asked for guidance...and guidance I received.

Are you still trying to pretend you know what you're doing, where you are and where you're going? Maybe it's time to ask for help?

Love

Donna.x

Learning the lesson

If you read my other blog - www.donnaonthebeach.blogspot.com, you will know that last week I was busy driving the bulldozer into a cliff bad-temperdly. And it was my choice to do so. Had I stopped to think about it in bulldozer terms, I might have realise that I'd hit a wall, but I didn't so I carried on stropping about the place until I saw that I was shattered and needed a rest.

So, having stopped for a service and a tune-up, I am back behind the wheel, bulldozing away cheerfully...remembering to keep my speed to one the bulldozer can comfortably do, keeping an eye on where I'm going and watching the road ahead for rough terrain. It's interesting, I post here and say 'today I learned...', then 2 days later I am learning the same lesson.

One of these days I will learn to live every lesson, I will be perfect...hang on, what the heck am I babbling about?! I drive a bulldozer. I will keep learning just as I am now - faster and with more humour. The most important lesson? ENJOY the journey!

Love

BD

Where are we going?

When you get into your vehicle (car, boat, bulldozer), you must know where you are going in order to get there. Otherwise you drive around in circles, wasting diesel (energy), getting frustrated and bored and creating that rut that you get stuck in. So where are you going? Me? I'm going to the seaside. At the moment that journey is taking a little longer than I anticipated, but that is no reason not to enjoy the journey.

And I am certain that this delay is serving me in some way...apart from anything else, the learning and growth I am getting from taking my path (off-road, cross country, seeing things I never knew existed). It's easy to see people who are at your destination and feel jealousy...but I discovered today that the jealousy comes from an 'I should be there' thought. Which isn't true, because I'm not there.

So I should be here. Right where I am is the right place for me right now...I'm still journeying toward the seaside - and I will get there...just as soon as the decision makes itself as to which beach to land on!

So, have you decided where you're going?

Love

BD

Stalled Bulldozer

Bulldozer stalled.

Battery flat.

How to recharge?

Sleeeeeeeeeeep!

Love

BD

Speed

What speed is your journey at?

I was thinking today that I like to move at a steady amble. (In a 'real' car, I like driving fast but this is the journey of life...and my vehicle is a bulldozer, not an XK8) And when my journey goes 'wrong', I am usually trying to go too fast, or at full stop. In this journey of life, I have a destination I want to get to...but I don't want to get there burnt out, stressed and exhausted. I want it to be the highlight of a fucking amazing journey.

And to enjoy that journey, I need to mooch, to potter, to enjoy the scenery on the way. When I get hooked on the 'pedal to the metal' mindset, the bulldozer breaks down. So, I'm setting a speed limit - no faster than I can go and still see the beauty in the scenery around me.

What is your speed limit?

Love

BD

the Smoothest path

Really noticing today that when I choose what path to take on a whim - going over there cos it's sunny today, over here because there's pretty flowers, hither and thither just because I'm curious - it is a smoother ride than if I go where I should go. I know the direction I am headed...and what's the point in reaching my destination if I have hated the journey?

The journey is the whole point. And ok, maybe there are some bumps, but I enjoy them WAY more than if I had come this way because it was the 'right way'. If there is no wrong way, the best way for me to go today is where I WANT to be.

Aha. Where do you want to be?

Love

BD

Always Bulldozing

When are you on your journey? Your life journey? Does it get put on hold while you are working? Do you only move forward at certain times of the week? Or are you always CONSCIOUSLY journeying? see, the journey is always in progress - much confusion could be avoided by PAYING ATTENTION! (reminds me of the time I saw a sign on the M1 saying London 100 miles, and only then realised I was heading in entirely the wrong direction, I wanted to be going North!!)

I realised today that I am always bulldozing, no matter what I'm doing. I am consciously on my journey 24/7 - whether shopping or working, I am conscious of which way I am headed, looking at the scenery, seeing the signs. It's the first time I have realised how aware and present I have become!

This post started with a thought about Bulldozing hours - I love Mondays because i don't do 9-5...I do what I like in the morning, then work in the afternoon and early evening. I was going to say that the bulldozer starts up at 12, but of course it was going great guns while I was spending my book tokens in Borders, it was fired up in fact the moment I opened my eyes.

Stay alert - you are constantly driving - are you always going in the direction of your dreams?

Love

Donna.x

A New Fuel

Earlier in the week I was complaining that I kept stalling - running out of fuel. I realised yesterday that this is completely my own short-sightedness...both in not ensuring the fuel tank is full AND in not realising that my bulldozer runs on several different types of fuel - there's money, energy (passion, adrenaline, fear...not a great fuel to use) AND the one I had forgotten about - generosity.

Other people's generosity often provides me with the energy/fuel to keep going. The trouble is, if you only look at one type of fuel, you are too dependant on that - if the bank account is a bit low, you're buggered! But if you realise that your bulldozer (porsche, horse and cart, boat) can keep going for miles on other types of energy, the bank account is just a detail.

Don't panic, there's always alternatives, and the percieved 'shortage' is an opportunity to be clever and start experimenting with other options. Remember Back to The Future? Where they're going, they don't need roads. Couldn't agree more.

Love

BD

I'm a warm weather bulldozer, me

You'd think in a Bulldozer that a snowy day would be no obstacle to the furtherment of your plans, but my bulldozer is not one for the cold...I broke down deliberately. Down tools, onto spontaneous mode - after a day of working irregularly, watching the Secret, playing in the snow, chilling under the duvet, I paradoxically feel like I'm further on my journey than I was this morning.

Sometimes standing still is the way to move forward.

Love

BD

Wilderness is Key

Interesting day. Me and my bulldozer got stuck in traffic on the way to an appointment, and I realised just how little I want to be part of that world. I know no one likes getting stuck in traffic, but it's something more than that - it's about wanting to be driving (metaphorically) my own way, doing my own thing, not constricted or restricted.

I also noticed that when the bulldozer drives at high speed, she breaks down. This is a direct result of my scheduling - I think I've left plenty of time to do all I need to but actually end up dashing hither and thither and losing my equilibrium. So, I'm experimenting tomorrow with not having any 'miles to clock up' - wherever I get to is wherever I get to, and if that's right where I am today, then that's where I need to be.

Love

BD

Stalling

My bulldozer keeps stalling. I will be merrily moving along, when shit! I've run out of fuel. I'm also getting really distracted from my route by other things - exciting looking side trips that may take me away from my 'real' journey. Or will they be shortcuts? Who knows...for now, my decision is to take a speculative step in that direction (without the bulldozer) and just see what the terrain is like.

I was getting bored of the terrain ahead, and wondering if this was really the way I wanted to go, when a call today helped me realise that I LOVE the path I'm on...perhaps it's time to move a bit quicker! For that, I need fuel. Aha.

Love

BD